Sunday, October 06, 2002


As promised...

Here is the non-serious version of my trip to the Thousand Islands last month. Don't ask me why I'm so late with it cuz I don't know either and it was pretty much already finished weeks ago:


"What I did for my summer vacation"


Ok so it's really a semi-sarcastically humorous way of describing my trip which actually did more for me than I for it. I think you can figure out which parts are which...but then again, we know I have multiple senses of humor :-) Especially puns! :-D But then again, can you *really* tell when I'm kidding sometimes? Ok enough of that mess, here goes:

Oh beautiful for spacious skies for not-quite autumn leaves. For purple mountains majesty when it's a red sunset. America, America, you've got the worst bathrooms. And when I'm stressed, please let me rest, unless you just like seeing sparks.

We headed for upstate New York so we could talk about sailing ships, sail ships, and then talk about sailing ships. We also passed Rebecca's and Lauren's universities on the exact same route on the exact same day, but because we were required to talk about sailing ships with other Indiana Joneses (or are they pirates? Argh...), we couldn't stop. Heck, we could barely stop to take a leak so the ships wouldn't sink.

After spending the night in Pennsylvania (why Sylvania decided to make pens instead of light bulbs is beyond me...maybe that glowy guy just retired) we took the scenic roller coaster to count the Thousand Islands. We met up with an older sailor and 2 of his kin and we caravaned the rest of the way. Unfortunately for us, the baby skeeters and spiders had already rented our room for the duration so we had to share. They obviously didn't like me so they talked to some local plate techtonics and the absent plummer to stuff our sink for me. Rusted mildewy sulfuric water and acid reflux really just don't mix ya know, well *I* didn't know...yet....cuz that was *before* we were attacked by a fake fire and phantom ICBMs when the air raid sirens went off. Good thing my acid reflux had already alerted me to the water or they might have gone off a fourth time as my screaming awake had I been asleep.

We all know meetings are both equally interesting and boring at the same time and apparently the air raid sirens had decided my fate for me by allowing me to revisit my early morning classes from high school by re-teaching my eyelids to lift weights. Good thing I wasn't counting. But the doughnut was good and the wooden boats were exquisite. I had to be on my best behavior, but I can hear my Mom in my head for the "getting Dad to stop talking and sit down" and the "catching the lepord frog" incidents. Just for the record, no one cared about the first, and only the frog and me seemed to care about the second...well, us and the paper plate. Got a pic- show ya later...

Dinner was a blast, how could it not be with about 50 Indiana Joneses in sailor suits?! Ok stop drooling, they have enough boats in the harbor, that's why they're expanding the museum. So far, it looks like those phantom ICBMs weren't so phantom after all. They either bombed it, or it could serve as a shelter from when the nearby portapotties finally decide to explode. And yes, I did miss the boat...still do, they look good for their ages. And these Joneses are the reasons why.

But something tells me that keeping several of Anakin's podracers in the nearby ex-Amish barns isn't gonna help feed the cows any. Goodness knows the maple syrup didn't do anything to regain the emperor's groove. Oh wait, we got the syrup later...anyway, Red Fusion is red, but it doesn't fuse. It's a good little soda which means it's good for corrosion. Now you know what keeps the ancient submarines looking just as pristine as the slick wooden 999 Island gondolas (yes I counted the islands and there are only 999 of them, sorry).

Well, the hazmat trucks have still maintained their monopoly on all the lanes of the beltline around Washington DC. I think it's because my dandruff shampoo stopped working actually, but I don't think I'll tell them that. I like to watch them run around trying to stick their heads in the microwave to get themselves a tan. Once I had enough of them, I trailed the river of Red Fusion and found the hearts of the ocean. Bleeding. It's old and rusty so whuddya expect? After seeing that I had to go- really, and I mean really fast. Dancing in my pants by hopping on one leg fast. Darn near ran over the Governor of Virginia (or at least his Men in Black and Men in Blue...I really don't remember what color suits they were wearing, I only know they were suits).

At least *they* keep good bathrooms. But just to be sure, we ran quickly so we could get home before we had to resort to using my 2 new recently-accuired state quarters to wash my undies. I didn't pack for a MONTH after all...Well, during our run, we ran into Emporia which seems to be lacking in euphoria. Seems it's lost its groove too. I think the mountains took 'em actually. So many so that they've grown high enough to explode your head and make you see things that aren't there. I started hallucinating when all the mile markers started measuring in tenths of miles. Then they started to speak in some sort of weirdish binary code when we came back down south...must be those hazmat guys getting their revenge on me for turning them into coffee achievers.

After having the wild cats, herons and terminators stare me down into sleep, I woke up to being half-dead and half-asleep so that I was effectively only half-a-little-bitchy when we decided to play battleship in the rain where alligators named Charlie guard the national monuments. The little white fish there are certainly exstatic about the idea because they spent more time in the air than in the water. My umbrella didn't seem to help or hinder really, rather the turrets could have fired the bullets I was sweating due to the torrents that were coming down. I'd never be a good sailor cuz I hate going "up, down, around, and through" without a map that doesn't resemble a 3-D maze (ya know, kinda like the Windows screensaver) and an atmosphere that doesn't resemble the tropical version of our global coordinates. I felt so absolutely gross that I fell asleep in the car again and ate a whole pizza.

Of course now we're back at home and all the fun is over...guess we'll just have to do it again!

The Pokemon and sigs have missed me, I know that. So do the others, but all they really wanted was the maple syrup. I knew I should have bought the 1000 Island dressing in the mountains and the maple syrup in the 999 Islands rather than the other way around. Fine, I'll let *them* get chased into the gator swamps this time AND give nature the day off by making THEM swab the deck! :-D
posted @ 12:48 PM  |   0 comments  |  

0 Comments:

Anything to add?